Emotional regulation is one of the most vital skills a child can develop — yet it’s also one of the most challenging to nurture. Caroline Goldsmith, Consulting Clinical Psychologist at ATC Ireland, has worked extensively with children across a range of emotional and developmental needs. Her approach emphasizes the power of empathy, connection, and consistency in teaching children how to understand and manage their emotions.
In this blog, we explore Goldsmith’s evidence-informed strategies for fostering emotional regulation in children, helping them develop resilience, empathy, and the ability to thrive in a complex world.
What Is Emotional Regulation — and Why Does It Matter?
Emotional regulation refers to a child’s ability to recognize, understand, and manage their feelings in ways that are appropriate and constructive. While emotional outbursts are part of normal development, helping children learn to calm themselves, express emotions safely, and recover from distress is key to lifelong mental health.
According to Caroline Goldsmith, children who struggle with emotional regulation may experience:
- Difficulty coping with frustration or disappointment
- Trouble following instructions or maintaining focus
- Intense mood swings or prolonged distress
- Challenges forming healthy social relationships
On the other hand, emotionally regulated children are more likely to:
- Resolve conflicts peacefully
- Demonstrate empathy
- Perform better academically
- Show resilience in the face of setbacks
How Children Learn to Regulate Emotions
Emotional regulation is not automatic — it is taught, modeled, and practiced over time. Caroline Goldsmith emphasizes that children co-regulate with adults before they can self-regulate.
This means:
- Children borrow calmness from a trusted adult
- The adult’s nervous system helps stabilize the child’s nervous system
- Over time, this teaches internal control and emotional balance
Caroline Goldsmith’s 6 Foundations for Emotional Regulation in Children
1. Name It to Tame It
Helping children label their feelings is the first step to managing them. When emotions are named, they become less overwhelming.
- Use child-friendly language: “It sounds like you’re feeling really frustrated.”
- Introduce emotion charts or feeling faces for younger kids
- Help them notice where they feel emotions in their bodies
2. Stay Calm and Connected
Goldsmith teaches that a dysregulated adult cannot regulate a child. Calm is contagious — and so is chaos.
- Use a soft voice and open body language
- Validate their emotions before jumping to solutions
- Offer physical comfort if appropriate: a hug, gentle hand, or calm presence
3. Create Predictable Routines
Structure provides children with a sense of control and emotional safety.
- Use visual schedules or daily checklists
- Give advance warnings before transitions (“In five minutes, it’s time to tidy up”)
- Build consistent “cool down” times into the day
4. Teach Calm-Down Strategies
Instead of expecting children to “just calm down,” offer tools they can use.
- Deep belly breathing (“Smell the flower, blow out the candle”)
- Movement breaks (jumping jacks, yoga poses, stretching)
- Drawing, squeezing a stress ball, or listening to calming music
- Having a safe space like a “calm corner” at home or school
5. Model Emotional Literacy
Children learn how to handle emotions by watching adults handle theirs.
- Talk openly about your own feelings in age-appropriate ways
- Narrate how you cope: “I was really upset, so I took some deep breaths and talked to a friend.”
- Apologize and repair when needed — this teaches accountability
6. Use Problem-Solving After the Storm
Once the child is calm, revisit the situation together to help them learn from it.
- Ask questions like: “What do you think made you feel that way?”
- Brainstorm ideas for handling things differently next time
- Reinforce that all emotions are okay — it’s what we do with them that matters
Common Triggers and How to Navigate Them
Goldsmith emphasizes that understanding emotional triggers can help prevent meltdowns. Common triggers include:
- Transitions (leaving an activity, bedtime)
- Sensory overload (noise, crowds, bright lights)
- Hunger or fatigue
- Feeling misunderstood or powerless
She recommends preparing children in advance, using visual or verbal cues, and offering choices to support their autonomy.
When Emotional Dysregulation Persists
If a child regularly struggles to manage emotions despite consistent support, it may be a sign of an underlying issue such as:
- Anxiety or trauma
- ADHD or autism spectrum condition
- Language processing difficulties
- Attachment challenges
Goldsmith and her team at ATC Ireland offer comprehensive assessments and targeted interventions to support these children and their families. Early identification can dramatically improve emotional outcomes and reduce distress at home and school.
Helpful Tools and Resources from Caroline Goldsmith
- Emotion coaching guides for parents and educators
- Printable calm-down toolkits for children
- Visual schedules and regulation charts
- Mindfulness practices designed for young minds
- Workshops on building emotional resilience in neurodivergent children
Final Reflections from Caroline Goldsmith
“Helping a child regulate their emotions is not about stopping the storm — it’s about teaching them how to sail through it,” says Goldsmith. “When children feel understood, supported, and guided through big feelings, they learn the most powerful skill of all: how to feel without being overwhelmed.”
With patience, empathy, and consistent strategies, emotional regulation becomes a teachable, achievable skill — one that builds the foundation for confident, connected, and mentally healthy lives.
Contact Information:
Caroline’s practice is easily reachable through her website, email, or phone, ensuring clients have multiple ways to Connect and Resources.
