Anxiety in children is far more common than many people realize—and yet, it often goes unnoticed or is mistaken for something else entirely. While adults may express anxiety through words or clear behaviors, children tend to communicate their distress in indirect and often confusing ways. As a result, many anxious children are labeled as shy, oppositional, inattentive, or even “difficult”—when in truth, they are overwhelmed by emotions they don’t yet understand or know how to express.
Caroline Goldsmith, a leading psychologist with ATC Ireland, has spent over two decades supporting children with neurodevelopmental and emotional challenges. In her work, she’s seen how easily childhood anxiety can slip under the radar. “Children don’t say, ‘I’m anxious,’” she explains. “They say, ‘I have a tummy ache,’ or ‘I don’t want to go to school,’ or they simply act out. Anxiety wears many disguises in childhood—and recognizing those early signs can make all the difference.”
Why Childhood Anxiety is Often Missed
Anxiety is a normal part of human development. It helps children stay safe, alert, and aware of potential dangers. But when anxiety becomes persistent, intense, or starts to interfere with everyday life, it may signal something deeper. Unfortunately, the early signs are often misunderstood, especially when they show up as physical symptoms or behavior problems.
Children may not have the emotional vocabulary or self-awareness to articulate their internal state. Instead, anxiety tends to surface through the body or through actions—many of which can be misinterpreted as disobedience, attention-seeking, or laziness. When these signs are overlooked, the anxiety may become more entrenched, leading to academic struggles, social withdrawal, or even depression.
Hidden Signs to Watch For
Caroline Goldsmith outlines several subtle—but significant—indicators that a child may be struggling with anxiety:
1. Frequent Physical Complaints
Headaches, stomach aches, nausea, and fatigue are among the most common ways anxiety manifests in the body. These complaints often occur before school, social events, or transitions, and may lack a clear medical explanation.
2. Avoidance Behaviors
Anxious children often avoid situations that trigger their fear. This might look like school refusal, reluctance to attend birthday parties, or clinging behavior. They may make excuses or become suddenly ill when faced with change or challenge.
3. Irritability and Anger
While adults associate anxiety with nervousness or worry, children may express it through aggression or defiance. Sudden outbursts, mood swings, and difficulty managing frustration can all be signs of inner distress.
4. Perfectionism or Rigidity
Some anxious children cope by trying to control their environment. They may insist on sameness, avoid making mistakes, or melt down when plans change. These behaviors are often rooted in fear of failure or fear of the unknown.
5. Trouble Sleeping
Difficulty falling or staying asleep, nightmares, and nighttime fears are strong indicators of underlying anxiety. Anxious thoughts often become louder in quiet moments—especially at bedtime.
6. Excessive Reassurance Seeking
Children with anxiety may constantly ask, “Am I okay?”, “Did I do something wrong?”, or “Will you be there?” This need for reassurance is not attention-seeking—it’s an attempt to soothe an overactive nervous system.
Understanding the Root Causes
Caroline Goldsmith emphasizes that anxiety is not a character flaw or a sign of poor parenting. It can arise from a range of factors, including:
- Genetics – A family history of anxiety can increase vulnerability.
- Temperament – Some children are naturally more sensitive and cautious.
- Environment – Unpredictable or stressful environments can heighten anxiety.
- Life Events – Changes such as divorce, illness, or starting school can trigger fear.
- Neurodiversity – Children with autism or ADHD may experience anxiety differently and more intensely.
Understanding these root causes allows adults to approach anxious children with greater compassion and patience.
How Adults Can Help
Once you recognize the signs of anxiety, the next step is responding in a way that helps—not hinders—a child’s emotional development.
Caroline Goldsmith recommends:
- Validate their feelings: Don’t dismiss or minimize fears. Say, “It’s okay to feel nervous. I’m here with you.”
- Stay calm yourself: Children co-regulate with adults. Your calm presence helps them feel safe.
- Create predictable routines: Structure reduces anxiety by creating a sense of control.
- Teach coping skills: Breathing exercises, visual aids, and emotional vocabulary build resilience.
- Avoid over-accommodation: Gently encourage facing fears rather than eliminating all triggers.
- Seek professional support: If anxiety persists or worsens, a child psychologist can help develop tailored interventions.
Final Thoughts from Caroline
“Every anxious child has a story to tell—even if they can’t find the words yet,” Caroline says. “Our job is to listen not just with our ears, but with our eyes and hearts. The sooner we see the signs, the sooner we can support them in discovering their inner calm.”
Anxiety doesn’t have to define a child’s future. With early recognition, a safe environment, and the right guidance, children can learn to manage their fears and flourish emotionally, socially, and academically.
