Self-esteem forms the foundation of a child’s mental and emotional well-being. A child who feels secure, valued, and capable is more likely to face life’s challenges with resilience, form healthy relationships, and succeed both academically and socially. Caroline Goldsmith, renowned psychologist at ATC Ireland, emphasizes that building self-esteem isn’t about praise or perfection—it’s about creating environments where children feel seen, supported, and empowered to grow.
With over 20 years of experience supporting families, Caroline offers a research-backed, compassionate framework for parents, caregivers, and educators to help children develop an enduring sense of self-worth.
Why Self-Esteem Matters
Self-esteem affects every aspect of a child’s development—from their willingness to try new things to how they cope with failure and criticism. When children believe in their worth and abilities:
- They are more resilient in the face of setbacks
- They form stronger, healthier relationships
- They are less vulnerable to peer pressure and bullying
- They are more likely to take healthy risks and express themselves
- They develop a positive internal voice that supports long-term well-being
Low self-esteem, on the other hand, can lead to anxiety, withdrawal, perfectionism, and self-doubt.
Caroline Goldsmith’s Key Principles for Nurturing Self-Esteem
1. Unconditional Acceptance
Children thrive when they know they are loved and accepted for who they are—not just for what they achieve.
- Avoid conditional praise (e.g., “I love you when you’re good”)
- Reaffirm your love and support, even when correcting behavior
- Celebrate your child’s uniqueness without comparison
Caroline Goldsmith encourages adults to “see the child beyond the behavior”—especially during difficult moments.
2. Encourage Effort, Not Just Outcomes
Focusing on effort builds intrinsic motivation and teaches that growth comes from perseverance.
- Praise the process: “You worked so hard on that!”
- Normalize mistakes as part of learning
- Avoid overemphasis on winning, grades, or perfection
This helps children develop a growth mindset, where challenges are embraced rather than feared.
3. Promote Autonomy and Decision-Making
When children feel trusted to make choices, they develop confidence in their abilities.
- Offer age-appropriate choices (e.g., “Would you like the red shirt or the blue one?”)
- Let them try, fail, and try again—even if it’s messy
- Respect their opinions and listen without judgment
Goldsmith reminds us that “confidence grows when we allow children to struggle and succeed in their own way.”
4. Foster Belonging and Connection
Feeling emotionally connected to caregivers is one of the strongest predictors of healthy self-esteem.
- Spend quality one-on-one time with your child
- Be emotionally present and responsive
- Create rituals of connection (bedtime stories, shared meals, daily check-ins)
Children who feel securely attached are more likely to explore the world with confidence.
5. Model Self-Esteem
Children learn self-worth by watching how we treat ourselves.
- Speak kindly about your own strengths and struggles
- Model healthy boundaries and assertive communication
- Avoid self-criticism in front of children
Goldsmith advises, “When adults model self-respect, children internalize it as a standard for their own self-talk.”
6. Encourage Interests and Strengths
Support children in exploring what makes them feel competent and joyful.
- Provide opportunities to discover new hobbies, sports, or creative outlets
- Celebrate their individual strengths—even if they differ from your own
- Help them set and achieve small, meaningful goals
Success in areas they care about boosts confidence and gives a sense of purpose.
7. Teach Emotional Literacy
Helping children identify and express their feelings fosters both self-awareness and self-worth.
- Use tools like feeling charts, storybooks, or role-play
- Validate their emotions without rushing to “fix” them
- Equip them with strategies to self-soothe and problem-solve
Emotionally literate children are better equipped to handle stress and advocate for themselves.
What Undermines Self-Esteem?
Even well-meaning actions can chip away at a child’s self-worth:
- Excessive criticism or perfectionist expectations
- Constant comparisons to siblings or peers
- Lack of attention or emotional responsiveness
- Overprotection, which limits risk-taking and autonomy
- Labeling (e.g., “You’re so lazy”) instead of addressing behavior
Caroline Goldsmith emphasizes that it’s never too late to repair and rebuild self-esteem. “Small changes in how we speak, listen, and connect can have lifelong impact,” she says.
When to Seek Support
Sometimes children need extra help to build or restore their self-esteem, especially after trauma, bullying, or major life changes.
- Caroline Goldsmith and her team at ATC Ireland provide therapy, coaching, and resilience-building programs
- Professional support can help uncover and heal internalized negative beliefs
- Working together as a family creates a shared language of encouragement and strength
Final Thoughts from Caroline Goldsmith
“Children who believe in themselves become adults who pursue their dreams, stand up for their values, and recover from setbacks,” Goldsmith explains. “By helping a child build healthy self-esteem, we’re giving them one of the greatest gifts in life—the ability to face the world with courage and compassion.”
Contact Information:
Caroline’s practice is easily reachable through her website, email, or phone, ensuring clients have multiple ways to Connect and Resources.
